Monday, January 13, 2014

The Warrior

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What I Spun:
The Warrior (45) by Scandal
Best Use of This Record:
In the immortal words of Disney’s Tale Spin, “Spin it!”
Random, Bizarre Line:
Your eyes touch me…physically”
Let’s play a little word association.  What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say, “shooting at the walls of heartache?”  Was your answer “bang bang,” or was your answer “BANG!!! BANG!!! I A-AM THE WARRIOR!!!”  I’ll give you a few seconds to finish out the chorus…aaaaand “if you survi-ive.”  There we go.  Now, let’s talk about professional wrestling.
After University of Kentucky basketball, professional wrestling was my grandfather’s favorite sport.  Most evenings, you could find him sitting in his recliner, sipping rum and watching gladiatorial competition inside the squared circle.  His fanaticism rubbed off on me until I to became a Hulkamaniac.  I was also a Jake-The-Snake-Roberts-amaniac and a Hacksaw-Jim-Duggan-amaniac, etc.  I watched their cartoons.  I had their toys.  I learned their moves.  I knew their names.  I sang their intro music.
One of them happened to call himself The Ultimate Warrior.  And, back in his early pro days, his theme music was The Warrior by Scandal.  That made me happy.  Now, if a female-empowerment anthem that reduces its listeners to teenage girls singing into hairbrushes seems like an odd choice for a testosterone-driven beefcake (who was not Brutus the Barber), then allow me to share a few factoids about The Ultimate Warrior:  (1) He wore a lot of spandex (2) he painted his face (3) he had big, teased AquaNet hair (4) his color palette consisted exclusively of hot pink and day-glow. 
Dude looked like this:
Trust me, there couldn’t have been a better pairing of music and product short of Johnson’s baby shampoo using Ozzy Osbourne’s No More Tears as their jingle (which would be awesome).  Bang bang.  Bang bang, indeed.

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